Goodbye Alice in Wonderland

23

I took a trip along I-90 this weekend and I’m not sure why I did. I guess it’s just the way I raised myself. I grew up being told, in every Don Mclean, John Denver, Faith Hill and Carly Simon song, that when you need time to think you just need to get away from the homeland for a while. Along this drive I realized something very import about myself. I have the power of persuasion. I can persuade anyone- including myself- into doing or thinking what I want them to. I guess I accomplished fooling myself into thinking he liked me, but now I have to complete the daunting task of convincing myself that I need to let him go. As humans we tend to allow ourselves to grow fat on fantasy. I guess that that’s why I took off- I crave reality.  There’s a difference between dreaming and pretending. I didn’t find what I was hoping to find. I thought he had to like me, but he didn’t. The heart can hallucinate when it becomes starved for love. However, as broken as this heart of mine may be, it opened my eyes. Pretending is a conclusion that perpetuates a lie. Truth is stranger than fiction and this is my chance to see things as they are. Life is much better if it doesn’t involve lies you’ve told yourself. It was not love in his eyes. It was only a reflection of what I wished to find so badly in my life. Now I’ve finally found what was missing. So now I may sit and solemnly celebrate goodbye to Alice in wonderland.

                    Keep your yellow brick road,
                                -23

13

If there was something I had to tell all ladies, whether sagging or lacking, I would say, don’t get caught up in a crush. I know this sounds like generic over-used fluffy junk (or BS to be forward) but it has so much meaning. It causes a snow ball of affects. One, you tend to compromise personal standards. Two, there’s dysfunction in your self-confidence. And three, you over dramatize and analyze everything that relates to that said person including yourself. There’s stuff you end up doing or resorting to you’d never expect to be accountable of. Whether it be going to that drunken party because he’ll be there or simply adjusting your path to the next class just to see him. Even that special word; SEX. Yes, I said it, could be a part of that “never thought I would do this” moment. You mull over your outfits too much (and for many, decide how revealing/tight you want it to be) you make sure you’re walking gracefully when you walk past him, you laugh noticeably; your brain works so hard! Plus, there’s the whole “body image” scrutiny and placing your worth so much in how this guy interacts with you. Note to all you ladies; there’s some pretty serious stuff that undertakes and flies under the radar until the most inopportune moment when you dig yourself so deep into this “admiration”. Maybe not all of this is everybody’s situation, but to some degree, this happens to us. And it is serious to our lives. Don’t pass it on as a simple fling; kidding yourself will only prolong the hurt after this thing has ended. Be careful who you admire and how deeply you let it go. Protect your heart. Bottom line is: Keep your fences up.

    In all love,

   Your “has experienced this way too much in her life” sharing Rose