Love and Other Disasters

As our wonderful readers from across the globe (yes, it is official now) may have read in last week’s post, us two ladies beat our brains out trying to figure something out about love. No, it is not always easy to force wisdom. Our post beautifulness usually comes to us in the night, disrupting our sleep when we need it for the next day. However, we are grateful for such things because if it was not for these tiny mental earthquakes of understanding, 23 probably would have not come up with a summary on taking chances on people- something that hit 13’s situation with “Baby Face,” as we call him, dead center. 23 could tell this because of the many profanities (in a good way) that flew out of Rose’s mouth when she showed 13’s the draft.

Love isn’t always a lightning bolt. Maybe sometimes it’s just a choice. When we meet these people that we think we like, we don’t know if they’re the love of our lives, but we decide to give them the chance to be. You know, maybe true love is a decision- a decision to take a chance on somebody, to give to somebody without worrying if they’re going to give anything back, or if they’re going to hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn’t something that happens to you. Maybe it’s something that you have to choose. How do we achieve this? We start by putting all our fantasies of true love where they belong. Go on; write your fantasies about what true love is on a piece of paper and light a match under it. Let’s get this straight people; True love is a process, not an event. And however it turns out, if it turns out, it’s all really in our hands. Picture it this way: Love is like a tree. The way that love REALLY is, is the wood beneath all the bark. The bark in this case, wraps around the tree, encasing it and such, like our fantasies of what we perceive love to be. It just takes one forest fire, or truth, wisdom, an eye-opener, to burn away the bark so we can finally see what really lies beneath it all. When it comes to our misperceptions, we can be really self-absorbed when someone tries to tell us different from what we think we know. We get so caught up in our own heads that we miss out on getting to know people worth knowing when we should be getting to know them! These disasters happen when we build a person’s personality up in our heads. We tend to not want to confront reality because we fear that reality won’t live up to fantasy. We build up fantasies because the truth is way too complicated an unsatisfying and hard to believe. But hey, what’s there to do? After all, love loves to love love.  Seriously people, love’s not going to hand you a frickin’ invitation out of the blue one day; you have to ask for one.
-23

Checking in with 13...

Baby Face...
A week later, I sit here in the sun shining from my window, with a candle smellerizing my room with “Angel’s Wings” scent. It’s okay now. I have figured out where I stand. Yes, Jesus is still my boyfriend. “Baby-face” or previously known as “Axe”, is the one i shall try to get to know over time. Egg Mcmuffin’, a new guy to the mix, seems like a great friendship to develop. And I think Jumping Bean will stop being the leach to my energy. I am finished, and now I shall begin. I believe love is a decision, and I make the decision to give people and situations a chance, but not my heart. I’ve learned so much over this time. I know things about relationships I didn’t even know could relate to love. I’m not a genius, but I did manage to come out still held together. Now, I’m going to enjoy life. Even if Jumping Bean is somehow in my life saying he forgives me, but yet still points out that it was all my fault, I won’t worry about it. Plus, I’ll tell him to shut up. Paradise is where I’ll be at if you need me boys. I’ll be spending time with my heavenly friend in the sky, and taking every bit of the moment to heal from what I have dealt with, with maybe along with a virgin margarita to feel womanly powerful. I am happy with my relationship status, and every part of how I am a loveable person. I am single and loveable. Just don’t think I’m that easy to catch! ;) Bye bye old drama, hello new, “handable” drama stress that I am armed for. Wish me luck ladies.
Jumping Bean...

It hurts.... I guess it’s what i wanted. Let’s start our life again! The rug was ripped from under me and now I have to get up and get used to the cold floor. Jumping Bean is happy, and I’m left in his butterfly poop dust. He smiles so much now, but I’m suddenly weighted. “That’s okay though”, I say to myself. It is what I wanted; the pain in both of us to go away. It has in him, so I am happy FOR him. He will go out there in the world, and look at it from new eyes; more positive and wise. He has certainly grown from this. I have too, but the fact that I can never talk like we used to or communicate easily is like a leach. It is named “miss”. I miss him like crazy and it made me cry to realize he has moved on and let go, and it made me sob when I was lead to believe that he had moved so far he was interested in someone. I have not let go and my heart aches. This is hypocritical; I told him the boundaries and how he had to move on. Guess who’s still thinking about the other!! Irony! I’ll never tell him how much I hurt from the cut of an outlet. We could talk about any and everything. No matter how much I know he lied, he kept the greatest understanding of me. Time to forget it though. Sitting here with prickly eyes does no good. I got to buck up, and realize the person ready to give me a hug and listen to everything. Jesus will be my barf bag for words and deep conversations. Sounds weird, but Jesus shall be my boyfriend till someone comes along who can fit that slot slightly as good as Him. It won’t be a physical person anymore. Although tiredly, I remember the sweetness of compassion a guy gave me, the best one is waiting for me to look to Him. And He’ll always be there and never lie.

So 13 and 23 shall continue to search for their chance at love with coffee and cookie dough in hand. Add God to that mix up and they’re optimism shall be virtually unstoppable.

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