For What It's Worth (Part II)

Fe's Wisdom:

Before I get all serious and stuff, I would to tell y’all another funny and embarrassing thing that has happened to me (there is just NO end to it, is there?). So, its spring break right? Day after I get home from Phoenix, I’m driving down to El Hurache’s in Poulsbo to meet my parents for lunch. Well, I’m coming down the small hill that leads to the intersection by the high school. Now, before I started descending the hill, I thought “wouldn’t it be funny if the guy I like was going to be at that intersection?” I’m not sure why that crossed my mind, so don’t ask. Anyhoos, I get about 10 yards from the intersection and I see no one other than the guy I like walk up and hit the button to change the light so he can cross the street. Well, the light changes yellow as I’m about 5 yards from the intersection. With no time to slam my breaks on I tap them in case I do have to stop suddenly. So I go flying through the intersection just as he sets his foot on the cross walk. His face was priceless. In all honesty, the only things I thought in those 45 seconds were “Crap, that’s him (as I was coming up on the intersection.)” and “SHOOT! I almost killed him! I hope he didn’t recognize me…”

Okay, now in all seriousness…

They try us on, and hold onto us for a while- like cheap merchandise. The way we react to being treated like is acting like we came with a warranty and a receipt. They just take us back if they decide we actually don’t suite them! It’s like if they notice a hole in the shrink wrap- in reality, the fever to resist they’re beckoning to intimacy- they feel like we are spoiled. You see how the world has changed? Instead of guys, these days wishing for someone pure, they look for someone soiled because they have hope that sex will be better. Harsh, I know, but its truth. Look around people. By the time a woman reaches the age of twenty five, she has a 90% chance that she’s lost her V-card.  Let’s be honest, to most guys out there, women are expandable. They just return the one’s that they are tired of to the store and then go on to the larger stores and go window shopping again. But every now and then, that one guy comes along, who looks past all the other items in the window, and looks straight to us- the beat up, bruised, possibly permanently damaged, dull and fading figures in the window and go, “That one there. I want her. She’s been returned so many times because she refused to change for someone. She’s pure and I like that about her.” Ladies, don’t ever change for anyone. We are all aware of that fact that we quite often change ourselves in any way possible to appeal to whomever our hearts helplessly fall for. What I have discovered, as having been through this myself, that when one does so, that soul is not completely happy with itself. Just by human nature, we have a tendency to want to fulfill our self needs before fulfilling someone else’s.  So tell me- why do we change ourselves into someone we don’t like for someone else? Do we not understand that before we can truly have the ability to love someone else, we have to first learn to love ourselves? How can we expect to put our heart and soul into someone else if we first haven’t even invested 100% of our love into ourselves? Didn’t our mother’s always tell us that we have to learn to crawl before we can learn to walk? Why? Why do we change ourselves into someone that we are unfamiliar with, let alone may not even like? Is it just for the momentary admiration and attraction from this one person, whom we already know will be non-existent to our minds on the near future? Why do we do this? It’s because when our hearts fall for someone, we only care about the present. We give little to no consent to our future. It’s because- and I say this in all honestly- that our hearts are in our heads, and our heads are up our asses. And frankly, when you’re in such admiration for someone, up your ass is a beautiful place. Dark, yes, but it is the dark that leaves us to just having to imagine everything. Then imagination turns to dreaming, and dreaming turns into pretending. And pretending…pretending is where fallout begins to breathe its first, monstrous breathes. So instead of the cheap, unsatisfiable guys walking by, only wanting the shining, glimmering beacons of easy-living, we only stand out to those who are like us- damaged but pure. Listen to me girls- those of you have been cheated on; those of you who beat yourselves up with guilt for liking someone; those of you have been told that you weren’t worth the effort; those of you who have seen one thing and been told the other; those of you have had your boyfriend return you several times, just to buy you back, but then return you for good; and those of you who can’t seem to get one guy to look your way- listen when I say that we are to stay strong in who we are. That we are to remain unchanged and pure, no matter the circumstances. We hereby promise to hold out, no matter how much it hurts, for the everlasting joy of our one day true love to come along and see the diamond inside the coal. When you find a guy like this, you hold onto him like your life depended on it. Never change for the falsehoods of the cheap, drive-by, bang-bang guys, because when the time comes, we will still be our genuine, true selves. We won’t be the soiled girls that other- I’ll say it- bastards have manipulated us into.

You never kiss somebody so that, in the future, they can break your heart. Anyway, these guys we like in high school- they don’t last. They just fade. All we can do is swallow our pride, suck in our tears, and walk a little straighter. Instead of hating these guys who lead us on and drop us off, we can only hope for them to one day find the woman of their dreams. The same goes for the guys we like, that like someone else. It is upon realizing that we want the best for someone, even though we may not be the best, that we meet ourselves. But we absolutely have to register this before we are caught off guard and stuck in the dark and all we can fathom is that something strange in going on. I’ve been there and it is scary- not knowing what to do or what to think. Don’t worry everything is going to be OK.