23:
Okay, so
my favorite statement right now is “Getting gone is so much easier than being
gone.” I chose this statement because I found a tiny bit of a rush in throwing
my arms up in the air in frustration and saying “screw it” to chasing after
people. But in reality, you only get one chance to leave and when that chance
is taken and finished with, you have to deal with and go through with your
plan. That’s the hard part- pulling through with your plan. You have to harden your heart to everything
that is thrown at it. You have to tell yourself ‘no’ and use a lot of
self-discipline. It doesn’t make it any easier when your friend points out who
you liked likes and you realize that you would never be that great or pretty.
Oh wells. Amazingly, I’ve been doing great everywhere else. I’m having a blast
with friends; specifically on Wednesday when we had an earthquake drill and the
buzzers started shrieking in my ears unexpectedly. I was so freaked out by how
sudden it was, it sent my arms to flailing is several different directions
while I, like a bird in shock, ran into the wall. I was laughing so hard I was
crying- as were my friends, who wonderfully tried in vain to calm down my pulse
so I wouldn’t die. Maybe God was trying to tell me something on that snowy
March day- that the decisions of my life aren’t always up to me. I mean, no duh
right? I knew it in the back of my head, but because I didn’t like the way the
truth works, I decided to keep on running along with my blissful fantasies and
lies. But now that it’s all over, I’ve found that I’m much more proactive in my
work life, my school life, and my social life. I’m excited for the ROTATE trip,
not stressed. I’m glad to help my friend, who is in the same situation I was
in, get the guy she likes- and it’s working. I’m not jealous, I’m happy for
her. Honestly, there is no jealousy at all. Then, on my part, I now have the
ability to resist all temptation to think about, look at, or even re-consider
my first choice. Maybe it was the symbolism of throwing that rock in the river.
Who knows? Whatever it was that happened to the chemicals in my brain, it
worked; and it still is. I get to wear sweats more often without caring if I
don’t look great. I’m wearing light make-up, I’ve lost 2 pounds and I’m trying
to get back in shape. Life is good again. So I say, “Bring it on.” Yes, my old
motto has returned. I think for now,
I’ll just go along with life and let who ever likes me, if some respectable
person does, like me. Yeah, I may not always look amazing. I’m not always in the
best of moods. I don’t always do my homework. I suck at geometry (not
exaggerating like my one friend- where terrible is a B+), I have a D in that
class. I may not always be quick to get things. I’m not the most reliable
person around- I would skip out on a date to chase a storm in a second. I will always have 13 as my bestie- how can
you give up a friendship where you two talk for hours telling one another about
how God has great plan for one another, then tell dirty jokes? Yes, I will go
off about how much I love to travel, how much I love my research trips, how I’m
more comfortable in a motel than my own bed, and how I take long drives when
things go bad. Yeah, I’m an absolute
Jesus freak, a firecracker, a slacker and a dreamer. I tell jokes to fill up
silence. I feel like I’m on top of the world when I finish some laundry. I love
my family, I love my dog and my cats. I talk down to my parents occasionally,
but we make up. I’ll tell you off if I don’t like what you are saying about my
friends, family or me. I will go buck-wild on you if you disrespect me, maybe
even run you over with my car. I prefer gifts from the heart instead of the
store. It pisses me off when people take advantage of me, and all I want is for
someone to love me and to accept me and take a chance on me. High school is no
place to find someone like that. So let’s hang on for the ride and enjoy it the
best we can.
13:
Sun, tan skin, lemonade, shorts,
short shorts, short short-shorts, epidermis overload, male drool, oh my
asdfghjkl IT’S ALMOST SUMMER. And, almost swimsuit/lack of clothing season!
What an experience every year. I don’t know what’s coming around the corner,
literally, in school. I can’t keep up with these tight, loose, tight down
there, skin paint, flowy, random trends! I guess I’m not much of a fashionista
since I’m not following the yoga pants trend too :P Well, if anything, I’m a
lazy fashionista who doesn’t feel comfortable in skin paint ;) 23 and I both
have lack of obsession over clothing styles. We like what we like, and stick
with it. We do like to dress up and at least match, but we’re definitely not into
the whole “let’s see how many boys we can distract from the geometry lesson”
game. Coolio if you have a good body, but isn’t it sexier to keep the mystery?
(But oh wait, that’s what the sheer loose fitting shirts are for pshh) Legs are
legs, and shoulders are shoulders, but, 23 and I do not plan to be hanging both
ways out of our clothes. It’s just not us. Go on guys, imagine our curves as
much as you want, but you won’t get nothin’ but a dream considering our
personal standards. As much as I like getting into the game of looking good and
flirting, I still have to hold on to my dignity. Let’s face it, what kind of
guys do I want to attract? Maybe you’d say I have an uptight stick up where the
sun don’t shine, but I want ones who don’t look for a “good time” sexually, but
a “good time” conversationally and activitylly (totally made that word up). I
am discouraged by the amount of jerks I’ve encountered, but my “modest is
hottest” motto shall stay. I will keep my shirt up even through the wounds I
received in the stomach (by the jumping bean situation). It’s that whole doubt
of being “single and loveable” starting
to come down AND I WILL NOT GIVE IN. I will continue to “contain myself” (quite
literally) even as I know that does not ward off all jerks in my life. It
filters out 75% of the *insert pervasive language* though, and that’s worth it.
I won’t let my own psychological destruction of my self-value take over my
clothing choices. If anything, I want to get through this on the inside before
it starts to show on the outside by bellybutton low shirts and booty shorts.
Appreciation for the daily choices us girls make for our looks sometimes just
don’t come our way *shakes head* I kind of want to find that guy you find in
anime books that never wants his girlfriend to wear skimpy stuff or be in a
situation where she would wear something sexy in view of anybody’s but his
eyes; who values her modesty more than most qualities. Alas, that is only in
the Japanese books as far as I’ve found. Wouldn’t that be great to get a random
comment from a dude, that he appreciated the way you dress; that the whole
modest look you were sporting was cool?! Lazy as I am, I’ll continue to dress
modestly even if I don’t get those “beautiful” compliments. Fe and I have a
clue to what to put on the hook for the specific fish we want, so we’ll utilize
it. We already yell “Mariana's Trench!!!” when life upstairs starts to say hello
so it shouldn’t be too hard to keep it up....right? Maybe it’ll be easier for
23, since she’s better off in the personal looks evaluation than me, then
again, we’re our worst critics! See? Who wants our
inner turmoil and outside tribulations? Prayers and lucky stars are welcome
this week ladies! Hopefully this girl will get her “love thy self” attitude
into gear pretty soon, cuz she’s not feeling the energy :/
