We're on the F.R.I.N.G.E.

Hello again my lovelies ^^ Today, will just be me. 23 is on vacation and has found flights to be a very poor place to think up a post. Everybody ‘aw’ for her! And screech because here I am in charge of the whole post ;D Now that we’ve got that explained, I want to delve into a genius idea that 23 came up with the other day, along with my own experience with this concept she made up. She’ll expand on her own experience with this concept come Sunday by the way :)

The word is F.R.I.N.G.E. 

FRIends Not Going Exclusive.

Isn’t it a perfect description of where we can all find ourselves in while dating? Both of your writers, incidently, are at that precipise! We’re enjoying who we’re dating, but we don’t know if we want to take it further. I cannot tell you how much probably avoidable stress comes with this “state”. 

In example: Yesterday I was laying around with a spiraling thought stream that ended with me working out till I was wobbling down the YMCA stairs. I can’t tell if this is a destructive behavior or a healthy coping mechanism yet :P Anyways, I had been thinking of that wonderful concept, “F.R.I.N.G.E.”. Then, I realized, oh shoot, I have to decide if I want to be ‘exclusive’ with my person too (we can call him Jensen Ackles for now, just look that butt up and you’ll understand ;) *fans self* ). Story is we have gone on 3 dates and they’ve gone pretty swell. Why am I so indecisive then? Well, I do not know how willing I am to prioritize the relationship..........there, I said it *hides behind pillow* It’s every girl’s weird, dancing banana on a pickle, psychadelic experience! You, a girl, being less committed than the guy....I guess it happens more often than I know? But I still didn’t think that it would happen to me of all people! If you’ve read any of my previous posts last year, you know how commited I can be at the quick. I get ahead of myself all the time. Though, even with that trait, this guy’s just not doing it for me.

Let me expand, I have the expectation I should be wanting to jump into the relationship because I’m so wrapped up in who he is. I think no matter if I have known him for 3 months or 3 years, I should be excited to let him hold my heart. That’s not happening at the moment and I don’t want to disapoint him with my lack of focus. Guess what too, Cheeseball has been back in the picture! SURPRISE, SUDDENLY HE TALKS TO ME AGAIN AND I’M LIKING HIM WHAT. I am still dealing with my stupidity over a past, long-run crush on top of this pressure?!?!?!!??!!!! God help me, look at what I wrote the other day even!

“We chase lovers that do not satisfy our dreams of roses. You think they are the one.  Then, the next thing you know, you’re standing in the middle of Walmart picking up a MUSE album and tearing up over the lost dream of that one you thought would be there. This rose smelled so sweet, but it was a trick of psychosomatic belief; it existed, therefore you thought it must smell good. In actuality, the rose was not watered. Neither was it full blooming *super sad face*” - 13 in a haze of Colbie Caillet

In that piece, I came to terms with the fact I won’t be with just HIM. He was the epitome of my dreamy guy though :( I was devastated. I got the epiphany quite later that I never really lost that dream I was talking about though, I simply -scratch that- complicatedly shaped my wishes into an available guy who didn’t have a clue. I was spritzing perfume on a corpse. Okay, so he really wasn’t THAT bad, but he sure wasn’t what I planned to fall in love with (he still isn’t). In all, maybe that rose is for another girl to cherish, and I should be more into gerber daisies ^^ That conclusion has brought me peace, but I am still knicked from the thorny stem I held on to for so long. The conclusion I got from this painful conclusion (so many conclusions and confusions ahhh) is that I’m not over the guy I liked before and if I’m still gonna write allagories to my heartbreak and stay busy to squell the loud insecurities I have, then maybe ‘Jensen Ackles’ has come at a wrong time and/or is not the guy I’m looking for. I am not feeling the butterflies even if he has a great bum and personality too, so I’m leading towards the later. Ladies, I am confused! I’m a little scared for myself! I may be losing my mind over this whole thing! I’ll get back to you in a week with future realizations about this rocky relationship hopefully. Wish me luck! Relationship cadet out *plays erie star trek score*

- 13