They're BAAAAAACK!

13:

Jumping Bean strikes again! I thought it was over....like really over. Not like all the other times before where I had more doubt than belief. This time....I really believed the drama, the stress of having to watch my words, the tears of pain for a friend never moving on, was done. I should have caught the warning when we once had a quick conversation; he had basically proclaimed he “forgave me” for my harsh actions, but still believed our broken relationship was all my fault and he wished I had known the truth. I left it at that, being so frustrated by the first part. And we did not breach the subject again. He said this past Sunday, “I’m actually happy you said no.” It surprised me. I was happy for him, relieved for myself, and thanking God. But, not even 2 hours later in the night, he sent me a message; a warning. He was going to give me a, I quote, “letter of pain”. I found that message two days later before youth group. I became pretty anxious. What if it’s a regret letter? What does he expect? Should I take it or refuse it? We talked in person after youth group once I read his letter. I realized how irrevocably similar this note was to his Valentine’s Day one (see “A Post Dedicated to Rose”); a love note desperate for a chance. There was less guilt tripping wrote but basically the same. We sat too long and I didn’t even give him a yes or no answer. I asked him why he gave me this even though he KNEW what I would say. I refused to dish out the pain just because he thought he would learn from it, as he put. In response to his attempt to cause himself pain enough to never make the mistake again (by keep asking), I told him, “I’ll support you in life with what I can, but I won’t give you what I don’t have; the feelings I don’t have.” “God does not intend for you to learn through pain.” “I don’t know how to help you but this is unhealthy. You need to find another way to express yourself, not by writing letters and a question you KNOW the answer to.” “You’re stuck in a no, but there are yes’s in your future. If you keep stuck in a no you could miss out on the opportunities of a yes.” “Find your happiness, even if it’s not with me.” These bits came out in between silent minutes; he never spoke after explaining his purpose. You could have heard a pin drop if it were not for the rain. Tears of course were involved; his out of sadness and mine out of frustration. We’re emotional creatures ;) So....I guess it wasn’t over. Without him knowing, I’ll set boundaries because I don’t want to inflict pain by being close, but not close enough. Being buddies, on what level is a mystery. I won’t be offended or devastated if he decides to set up boundaries either- Because I care more about him as a person than our relationship. Well ladies, looks like the stress isn’t over yet. Love is not this hard. Life is not intended to be this painful. God hasn’t planned our paths of learning or getting to love to be so sticky and painful. That’s what I believe. Looks like this isn’t the relationship for me! (Don’t worry; I knew those months before).

23: So many things in life take patience. I say this as I sit in the traffic jam that’s been moving along at ten miles per hours (that’s about fifteen kilometers per hour for our international readers) for the past five miles and for what looks to be another fifteen miles ahead. It’s not that bad though, after all, there is a gorgeous thunderstorm over head. I can’t even tell you how many lighting strikes I’ve seen in the past thirty minutes. That’s the only great part about this stinking traffic jam…that I decided I’d be stuck here long enough to come up with something for a post…Should I be on my laptop in the middle of a thunder storm? I should know this…

                Anyhow, here my weekly notion of love and how it can people up a wall:

                Like my counterpart, the past does tend to rear its ugly head every once in a while, but just like a game of whack-a-mole, I shove it back into the depths of my mind and repeat the process until I’ve knocked the mole unconscious for several days…I haven’t quite gotten to the point of rodent killing poison- though I might feel less guilty about it if I use it on the moles that insist on me finding a boyfriend. I’m still happy as a pickle, acting and training myself to be oblivious to certain persons. ;) It seems that these few past week have old times popping back up…not like we appreciate the reminder of our more desolate days. Isn’t it funny sometimes how the past likes to rear its ugly head when you least need it?   

                So in order to keep life manageable I shall do what I need to do: Study, work up 200 dollars for the research trip (so excited!), and buy eight billion birthday present because all of my buddies’ birthday seem to be in June…

So here’s to the past:  

Sweet Time, Sweet Patience

            Patience is key in so many ways. You have to be patient in waiting for that job promotion. You have to be patient in waiting for your blessings. You have to patient with your consistently pms-y buddy. You absolutely MUST be patient in waiting for love. But most of all, you have to be patient with your favorite blog writers…especially with final projects being due, and state testing coming up and finals…so many finals. So forgive us two ladies for not writing a post. We’re trying our best but we have not time at the moment. Try not to raise your hopes until the 20^th of June either. We have much work to do and this side job which requires SO MUCH personal insight will be neglected. We’ll keep you updated on our Facebook page.

Superficial

13:

Ohhhhh how looks dominate this world. And we, as Christian ladies are taught from birth to view it as fiendish to even think looks could be a part of the love equation. As much as I would like to say I could marry a dwarf or a really ugly person, it’s not my pleasure to. Unless God shot me with a lightning bolt and pointed to someone of that...”physique” I truly can’t say I would go for it. This week, we’re talking about LOOKS. Woohoo! If I were to create an ideal guy (as much as my fantasies go), he would be a blondie with freckles and a nice body. Now, sweet guys come in all shapes and sizes, but, oohh to have a blondie. Confession time; blondes with deep voices are the bees knees in my lovely brain. Or, as my previous teen brain had come to find guys with dark hair and pale skin.....yah my choices vary, lol. At this point, I have found many unattractive guys to be the sweetest and good looking ones to be taken. The jerks have been too old, and the young ones have been too oblivious to have a clue. Ladies, if all of our fantasies were to come true we wouldn’t value them as we do when the (from totally unsuspected places) ones pop up as a blessing to all our hard work. How do we get them on our radar though? Gosh what a question. It’s actually quite challenging because of the walls media has influenced the great guys to put up, and the warped fashion that has put off an incorrect insides example. Although, I think the ones who truly show who they are, ARE the “great guys” to date anyways. So, wait Rose, are you saying I should be okay with stereotyping people? Naw, well…to an extent :P  I can agree upon “believing the (uncontrollable) nose shape is a tell-sign to a guy’s value as a potential boyfriend” motto is stupid, but, “profiling” is a good way to microscope potential, if done realistically. I mean hygiene, dress, and crowd. My ideal guy is not in a scholary pollo and pressed khaki’s, nor covered in piercings and hanging out with druggies. I’m not talking overload specific needs or else I’m not dating him kind of search. We’re taking a step back and looking at what we are getting into. It’s smart. My hope is to find “him” in a clean crowd, valuing himself, and paying attention to the person he presents himself to be. This isn’t all I’m looking at, but it is in the “looks requirements”. To judge somebody by the crowd and clothes sounds shallow, but it previews what kind of person he is in a sense. And we all need some sense needing teenagers! As far as I know I’m pretty flexible, but still praying for what I deserve; a sweet man with a sense of humor and God in him....and maybe be a blonde ;) Who knows who I will end up with in the end, or in reality that I’ll first date. All I know is I’m trying my best to keep my eyes open and keep my heart growing for the moment I see a potential. I don’t mean see a “guy who looks like the ideal”, but know a guy who could be potential. It’s all a patient process ladies. I’m not a patient woman so God help me, but I know He will, and I’m not afraid anymore. Off to scout the mall! Just kidding, I’m not that creepy :P I actually should be held up in my room like and shrew and studying for my AP exams 

23:

As for me, I have come down with the apocalyptic flu that seems to be going around all across the state of Washington. Over in Snohomish County they had to close the school it was so bad. I don’t blame the, this thing sucks like nothing else. So, being all this flu medicine junk is causing me to go a little off my rocker, I shall give my best shot at actually writing something worth reading.

 Alrighty, looks wise, I would (and this is NOT because I’m too lazy to ponder this myself) I would have to agree with my counterpart. Preferably- no absolutely MUST be taller than me. I’m already pretty short, so there’s that. PLEASE, for goodness sake, no long hair. I hate that junk. I’d prefer the race to be same as mine- Caucasian- no racism intended.

                I’m a little bit too exhausted and worn out to write the rest so I just threw out the must haves. I think that a huge part of settling for something is how high or low your bar is raised. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I refuse to settle for anything less than everything.

                There it is- a very insightful, superficial post from 884 Days. Thanks for stopping in this week everyone. I shall do better next week when I can actually think. ;)

Oddballs

   13: 
         Love sometimes turn us oddballs into odd squares; still unique, but fitted to their expectations by our own means. Changing our ways is not something we will allow in romance. If we are trying to better ourselves as a person, great, but we will never let inner nor outer forces grasp our personalities and mold it to something we only want to be for the relationship. We must put our ALL, I repeat, ALL into that relationship which you are deep in. To be deep in a relationship never means you’ve already gotten to know each other. It means you KNOW them, but not necessarily SEE them in all their ugly and magnificent glory. Sure, you‘ve seen them naked. Sure you’ve seen them at an emotional state. Does that mean though that you’re done? You have them in your arms, you have an idea of their dark corners and spaces. It is so much more work than that. Being you and seeing them in a relationship takes some of the greatest effort in the whole process. There is no more important thing than getting to know each other FOR REALZIES. That’s the point of “developing” the relationship. If there was one statement to conclude this, it’s “Oddballs shall stay oddballs all the way through the long haul. And they are in it for the long haul. So watch out boys, we’re not into the petty kind of dating.”

23:

A love between two people should be based upon three baselines- is it solvable? Is it entertaining? Does it sparkle? In my previous case- and I finally see this now- It was certainly NOT solvable. It was entertaining…to me. Did it sparkle? Well, it was like someone threw a heavy blanket over a dying flashlight.  There is beauty in the way that life works sometimes- how it can twist and turn your memory of events into something you like; how it can make things that aren’t real appear as reality; how you can be one person on minute and change yourself into the acronym of who you are just so you might seem more appealing to someone you like the next minute. If you love someone, and they really do love you, they will help you to become your best you, not you you’re best them. Think of life as a crossword puzzle- it’s merit and its prominence should be judged in the same way. So next time you find yourself in a relationship- be it good, bad or A-OK, ask yourself this: Is it solvable? Is it entertaining? Does is shine? And even though I’ve only been alive for 16 years and however many months, I do know this much about falling in love with someone: We have a natural want to fill empty spaces- not just in love, but in making your way in a world that doesn’t always embrace unique. I tried to fill my empty spaces with an eccentric friend who can deal out relationship advice- and my friends who remind me why single is a good thing- and that guy I liked. But that wasn’t the answer. Now I know; on the tour of life, just find someone as normal as you- if not, a whole bunch.                

Oh, and here’s a little bit more fresh wisdom: If you love someone, set him free. If you have to stalk him, then he probably was never yours to begin with. ;)