The Fun of The Chase

23:

If you, the readers, have not yet noticed, our theme since our re-opening has been somewhat along the lines of ‘take it easy.’ Until 13 and I are able to change things up, this theme may continue. Fun time! Spot the difference in these two greetings:

                “Hello. How are you?”

                “HOWDY DO! WHAT UP GOOD BUDDY?!”

                Notice how the first greeting eases you into the conversation and makes you feel comfortable. Now, the second greeting appears very sudden, very upfront, and very awkward. It also caught you unprepared. This relates to the formation of relationships.

                It’s never a good idea to launch into anything; even with a plan. 75% of the time, when you jump head first it absolutely does not work out. Even if you do manage to make it work, there is a very low chance that it will last. It is necessary to take things slow, develop a strong friendship, ask yourself constantly if you would spend the rest of your life with this person. Do you love everything about them?  Do they hit all the check points? Would you be proud to present them to your family? Do you love them (not attraction love, but ‘wants the best for this person even if it’s not with me’ love)? If you answered no to any of these questions (though the last question may take time), go; leave; run; get out; it won’t work.

                Now, when it comes to chasing after someone: YOU CAN’T CATCH WHAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT. Take it from me, because I learned it firsthand. It’s very rarely worth the time, the tears and the effort; and believe me, THE CHASE NEVER STOPS. Potential partners will just keep coming around, over and over until the right one comes along. Sometimes they never do, but that’s okay.        

                Back to topic #1: Easing into things

                This is why you must take it easy: going to fast will instill a sudden sense of reality and scare the person off. I would know. I’m scared off all the time. Develop a strong friendship (six months to a year). And MAKE HIM CHASE YOU. MAKE HIM BRING HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU OUT ON A SILVER PLATTER. Make him work for it; because if they aren't willing to work for it or wait, then you were just another girl they could screw. Then, if you start dating, make them wait more. If they just want to date you for guilt-free sex, they’ll leave. But if you wait until marriage: no man will put enough time, effort, and money into the marital process just to sleep with one woman. Make them wait. Make them chase you. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean up this mess that I have created.





13: Bleeding Love

Alright guys, this may be something more geared towards the ladies ;) Guys, read at your own risk. My counterpart and I came up with a metaphor/simile about love in our lives and love interests, and just plain old crushes. They’re like tampons. Yes, the small nuclear-warhead shaped bunch of cotton that we know and love (well...semi love) No beating around the bush here! It’s so true! Every girl knows this; it takes time to find the right kind of coverage and shape for your timely dues. It’s almost a year’s process for some, and for others who are lucky enough, it’s a simple grab off the shelf the first time around. Love is similar. There are no promises of comfort, or guarantees you won’t leak into your favorite jeans. There are no promises that your dating life will be simple, or guarantees you won’t go through a break up. And there are those so blessed to have no incidents. No matter how much they prepare you for it though (your mom or your grandma or the health teacher), it’s only through experience that you get the hang of it, that you get brave and let it in; let the boy in. And now you have caught on; yes, the boy is the tampon (lawlz). You don’t know how happy I was to compare a boy to a tampon. It just satisfied my hidden gross fanaticism: 3 Anyways, just like the help the instructions given in the box, there is little avoidance of just plain old going into the bathroom and getting it done!

My second simile is that relationships are messy, just like periods. They’re similar to crime scenes in your pants because you may fully well believe them as gross, but in reality, they’re also signs of growth and a beautiful process that we call menstruation. If we didn’t have menstruation, or rather relationships that didn’t go perfectly, we wouldn’t grow to be the women we’re bound to be. There is lesson from every fall out. You could chalk it up to the most embarrassing situation you’ve experienced at camp (yep that happened), or you could consider it a discovery of who your true friends were in that moment and that Mr. Playtex smooth didn’t deserve your cupid’s cupboard :)

Not every girl gets that smooth ‘glide’ experience the first time around, and there are surely some horror stories (“ER: What No One Sees”, look it up and be crossing your legs!), but, I don’t want you to be discouraged from this too. I want you to be aware these things happen all the time and the older girls understand. Talk to your sisters or mom or another lady in your life! Guess what? They will say you can survive it because they did themselves. Just look at them! They turned out alright didn’t they? No matter how many spills or moments when you thought you’d never get it out, you’re still here! You’re still alive. Just breathe like a pregnant woman, as I have told 23 many times. Boys are meant to be contacted (can’t say used like tampons meh my metaphor), and even though they may look like they’re gonna spear you, they’re really not. Some are douches, but you make the wise choice in the store with someone you trust.

Ending this lovely allegory of 13 and 23’s wonderful and icky metaphor, I want to leave you with this wonderful info I was given; the “great divide” can be stretched 15 times its original size, and mold back to its old self with 48 hours......read that again. WOW. Be as strong as your hoo-hah ladies, you can do this! Don’t give up on your dream guy! Your hoo-hah sure ain’t!!