What Am I Doing, Why Am I Doing This?

So, 13 is MIA on this one. Let's talk about being indecisive:

So I’m standing in my bathroom, looking down at my feet because I had nothing better to do when I suddenly suffered from the undeniable feeling that I had exited an important stage of adolescent life. I felt that I had just lost contact with m younger, more naïve self that didn’t even think twice before giving my heart away. I felt like I was that responsible person who could manage a healthy relationship and succeed due to some unknown, instinctive understanding of how love works. I have no idea why this moment was triggered so abruptly, but it did. Unfortunately, I’m still completely unaware of how to handle my current situation with this POI (person of interest).

Let’s talk about indecisiveness:

                Like, my life doesn’t even make sense anymore. I have so much on plate right now I have no clue where to start: Finals are coming; SAT/ACT testing; Potential dating; working my 9 to 5 job (I have one now); finishing that homework from two weeks ago I still haven’t done; plan vacations; it’s all rather stressful. Literally, my life doesn’t even make sense. I’ve kind of just been following my instinct and gotten into the casual flow of getting work in a studying and driving and working and dating and studying and working and this mess of “what do I do” songs trotting around my head like a freaking cattle drive. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: What am I doing? Why am I doing this? So now I’m reading over all of our past posts and finding every piece of wisdom I never applied to my life one year ago and finding that it applies greatly to this very moment. Excessive examples:

 

“My answer: How does your heart beat? Why do you breathe? Loves just happens naturally. There are no choices. It just happens.” March 31, 2012 ‘Fools Like Us’

“Maybe 13 and I will find a great new guy junior year. Who knows? But until then, we shall remember the lessons we have unwillingly learned and the many that we are bound to unwillingly learn in the future.” June 16, 2012 ‘It’s Time for A Change’

“The idea of having to spend time with someone who loves me more than I could possibly ever love them seemed a bit incarcerating. I don’t want to be tied down to this place. I don’t wish to keep my roots in Seattle. I’d don’t want someone who wants to and tries to keep me here. Call me distant, call me crazy, call me strange- but it’s true and it’s coming from a place in my mind that I didn’t even know was there.” March 24, 2012 ‘Stead Fast and Unwavering’

Mixed feelings right? I’m so glad we started this blog because had we not had a place to write these fantastic ideas down, we’d be more lost than Kim Kardashian in a corn field. In the midst of writing this post and trying to figure out this little predicament, I rage quit and decided to cook out my thoughts. I only learned one thing and that one this is that I created a delicious dish. You must try it:

                -Smother a cooking pan in butter

                -Sauté choice # of mushrooms, chopped onions and a spoon of garlic

                -Once mushrooms are brown, add chicken breast

                -Add ¼ cup of lemon juice

                -Once chicken breast appears cooked, add ½ cup of chicken broth, then ¼ cup of white wine

                -Add small amount of lime juice

                -Finish cooking chicken; add salt, pepper, and oregano

                - Say “yum”

 

Anyhow, I’m just willing to here by admit that I have no idea where any of this is going, but I think I’m willing to give this thing a chance. I think that, well, I’ll just quote our 2^nd most popular post: “Love isn’t always a lightning bolt. Maybe sometimes it’s just a choice. When we meet these people that we think we like, we don’t know if they’re the love of our lives, but we decide to give them the chance to be. You know, maybe true love is a decision- a decision to take a chance on somebody, to give to somebody without worrying if they’re going to give anything back, or if they’re going to hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn’t something that happens to you. Maybe it’s something that you have to choose. How do we achieve this? We start by putting all our fantasies of true love where they belong… Let’s get this straight people; True love is a process, not an event. And however it turns out, if it turns out, it’s all really in our hands.”

                  Still Clueless,
                          23