Life Blab #1

23,

                In these past several weeks I have not only been sick, laden with homework, but have also been occupied with fighting off the masses- not really I finally begged them enough and they shut up. Besides the fact that I’m feeling untypically nauseous, I shall write on. I’m actually really thankful for our many months break a while back because even as is at the moment, we are slow running out of stuff to blog about. I think we can make it until June though. We’ve decided to add a monthly “life blab” as we called it, with the remaining weeks spent with lessons or some kind of crap like that. My favorite thing to go over may always be the fringe concept of a relationship. It’s like you only hear about the most basic parts of relationships: Friends, dating, marriage. But no ever identifies what’s in between. Even the fringe phases have several satellite phases: phases like, pre-fringe, fringe, more friends with less of the “Yo we’re just buds” and more of the “no I guys I swear we aren’t dating whether you like it or not” phase. I’m sure there’s something in between the latter and dating but I’m not sure seeing as I’m not there yet. However, I can tell that for once in my life I’m clearly valued as a friend and it warms my heart know so. I haven’t always had friends that I could actually call my friends. In fact I rarely do. Right now, my actual friend count is at three, and that’s probably the highest it’s ever been. But I’m really happy with it. I don’t worry that they’re talking behind my back or insulting me or simply tolerating me…though it crosses my mind several times an hour, I just tell myself that I’m valued and need to stop worrying. I’m also still in shock that there is a person who enjoys my boisterous laugh, unusually low voice (at least for a woman) and oddly shaped nose. It makes me very happy. It makes me happy to know that I no longer have to question people’s motives, or wonder if everyone is the same way as most people I listen to talk. AND EVEN BETTER, lately I’ve been in the mood for shopping and every girl knows that that’s one of the best feelings in the world.

                So I’m gonna go online window-shop. Until next week!

-23

13,

Apart from accidentally kissing someone and being told, I’ll clean your coffee pot anytime” with suggestive eyebrows, my life has been pretty normal. Okay, not so normal :P but I try! Since getting into a special school (it’s like a job training/career building site) for special people I have been confronted with a lot of situations with brazen guys with apparently twitchy eyes. I got winked at 3 times, no joke, all in an hour while running students through their photo op paperwork. Although, that’s not the story I want to tell you (even though I did embarrassingly wink back at one of them by accident!). Story time!

I was going through the culinary class kitchen to ask for the coffee pot to be power washed, since someone left it full overnight (part of my job at this school is to run a coffee stand woo). I carefully weaved in between all the white tailored chefs in training and got a few not so friendly looks for getting in their way. I finally made it to the wash station and asked one of the students over the loud dishes whether he could wash my coffee pot or not. He sauntered the two inches between the sink and me (I don’t know how that happened) and he said, “I’ll wash your coffee pot”, with the most suggestive eyebrow arch I had ever seen. I kinda faltered in my thanks and waited by the counter. He asked me about where I was from and how my class was. He dried it off for me and handed it back with his hands purposefully lingering. He wished me a great day and added that I could come back to get my coffee pot washed anytime I needed it with a wink. I said a bright thanks and quickly turned around (I like running away from boys okay). I put a little more sway into my walk with my uniform heals and went out the door (might as well run away in style?). I’m pretty sure he was checking me out if the pan reflection was correct too :P Now, every time I see him I want to giggle because I keep thinking about what he said in his deep, manly voice, “I’ll clean your coffee pot anytime”. I am so mature as you can tell!

The other story is so awkward I can’t even write it out really! My heart was doing jumping jacks in my chest when it happened oh my goodness! It didn’t happen at school, thank God. It happened at an outing with some friends. He and I, who I haven’t known for too long, were sitting together in a car while we waited for the others. We were kinda squished close, which was okay since we both have had no personal space with each other since we met; he literally wrestled me for food during summer….another story for another time lol. Anyways, It was so simple too. I turned to ask what he said and he turned sideways to ask what and suddenly we were sharing some DNA! Once again, I shared a kiss that was not initiated by myself. One of these days, I am just going to smack someone on the lips so I can say, “Hey! I kissed someone!” I would really appreciate to initiate a kiss of my own accord someday. So, ending of the story, I think our red faces only calmed down after an hour and every time I think about it now my face does the thing too. Our relationship is cool still though :) We were both a little shocked, but I am okay and he is okay. He will probably tease me about in secret whispers forever and I’ll punch him numerous times for evidently no reason to outsiders, just like it’s supposed to be!

So, with most embarrassing moments shared, I say adieu to you lovelies who waited so patiently to hear from us :3,
    -13

Debut

             23,

I came here to rant. Me and only me. 

             I spent these past few weeks lying my ass off like the private little anti-social that I am. Since school started back up, it’s beginning to feel like I’m being pushed into some kind of “no questions off limits” kind of public debut. Six times in the past two weeks people have asked me about ‘us.’ The other day, after several minutes of patience, I honest to goodness had to ask my friend to “mind her own damn business.” I felt awfully bad for saying so, but I had no other option but to be brash. On a different note, I worry that my efforts for privacy will be taken literally and everything will burn away. This, I imagine, is what it feels like to be trapped in a corner.

                 It’s gotten to the point where everyone see’s it, questions are being asked behind your back, and you’re bathing in speculation, halfway enjoy the attention you’ve never received before, and half ay wishing you could pry the eyes off of your back. On the other hand, it’s kind of fun being talked about…in a good way (that’s the first time in my life). This doesn’t mean that I’m not lying about having work so I don’t have to attend a nosy friend’s birthday party. I have the choice to dull the rumors with a “No, we’re just friends.” Or do I throw a smirk onto my face and walk away, leaving everyone with a silent but unconfirmed “maybe.” My friends aren’t doing very good job of asking either. Instead of asking, they just go on ahead and assume that we’re dating. Unfortunately, word of mouth spreads like wildfire. In these past two weeks, I have learned that apparently I’m dating, which is weird, because last time I checked, I was not. All this talk and chatter just ruins what I have. You know, it’s only special when it’s something that only you know about. When strangers start to make generalizations, it takes away from the sentiment of the relationship. I have people whose names I don’t even know, talking to me, asking about our relationship like they were my best friend. And you want to know something else? He asked me to homecoming. He asked me to homecoming and I had to say ‘no, let’s find something else to do’ because I know for a fact that if we did go, I’d end up being harassed on a daily basis, and I can’t handle that kind of attention. All this talk is ruining it- how I see things. If this keeps up, I won’t even be slightly willing to date at all for the remainder of high school. I still love him to death and I appreciate him more than I appreciate my ability to eat five pounds of shrimp, but I can’t handle a public spectacle, not again. I miss summer. I miss having this to myself. I miss privacy. Remember how in a previous post I wrote “There is nothing more interesting to teenagers than who is about to start dating who.” It’s worse. It’s all eyes and all ears at all times. Nothing is more draining than a public debut. 

-23

Girls Will Be Girls (But That Doesn't Make Them Any Less Annoying)

  Evening ladies! Today 13 is going “el solo” :) 23 is drowning in higher class homework (the smart cookie). So, she will not be joining us sadly. Although, that leaves me a lot more room to talk about something I’ve been dying to tell you all. There’s this movie....

....and it’s FAN.TASMIC. I definitely recommend this movie if you’re a fan of coming of age stories and want a good laugh at young fears. It regales the confusion and excitement of being introduced to boys and puberty. Trust me when I say I was choking on my tea Saturday night at 12am because it reminded me so much of my own teenage hood!
"I already feel fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet!"
        This movie opened my mind to thinking about how far I have come. I was thoroughly convinced to be more thankful for where I am today (oh the horrors of Sophmore year) and to give a little grace towards the younger girls who are now in my place. They look so stupid and young as I look at them now, in an aged perspective. It’s as if the wider the berth of my hips grow, the less tolerant I am of my younger kind! Not only have I got senioritus for school, but, for the people in it. It’s mainly focused on these face-painted, doe-eyed lovelies who can’t stop to say please. Pondering, quite cringingly, all the shenanigans I partook as an asset less stick of a girl though, I should really be kinder to them. I was like that once; raging pheromones and all! It was like getting a dose of medicine with a sweet taste of laughter to ease such down.

        I am definitely putting this movie in the “I gotta get over this crush it’s killing me” survival kit too because (spoilers) if a 14 year old can do it, so can 18 year old me *tough face*. I’ll probably watch it again about 3 more times before I ever get tired of their British accents. It was quite frankly hilarious to me, or that may just be my own delirious memory from last night. Either way, it’s one to check out ladies and gents ;)

        Moving on to real life, I just want to leave you with a tidbit of hoW MESSED UP MY HORMONES ARE RIGHT NOW. So I was waiting on my grandma to come back with Starbucks coffee in the car. I had the radio on and I was really starting to realize how old I was, with my 18th birthday coming up in 3 weeks. All of a sudden, this sad music came on. Side note, let me tell you how much of a sucker I am for sad piano anything. Anyways, the eyes started misting like my car windows and I wiped a tear away and realized....this isn’t just some sad music...*leans ear* This is a prostate exam commercial!! I WAS CRYING OVER MY AGE WHILE 105.3 WAS TRYING TO WARN ME OF BUTT DANGERS. WHAT THE WAFFLES. I am very confused how I was able to block the beginning words of that commercial to fit in my emotional fit. I guess I have a really good sense of separation and focus?????? It is downright one of those experiences I will privately remember forever and both cringe and laugh at.

Not knowing how to whimsically end this without sounding dorky, your solo writer, 13

I Hate You, I Love You Again

13,

                Lovelies, I have a problem. A big problem with douchebags. Especially, douchebags who intentionally lead us on. The rule of thumb is that we’re going to meet at least 1 of these in our life. They ruin our confidence, tear away our backbone, and shove false pretenses in our faces. There is no amount of Nutella to heal these woes. That torture truly messes with our heads, and in some cases, even with our bodies because we were convinced to do so much in their name. Whether it’s 2am texts every time they break up with their partner or blatant flirtation whenever you’re looking “better than usual”, an empty feeling settles within and every girl knows that moment when tears prick the eyes in a fleshly mock of a loneliness you didn’t know you had till then. I don’t care what kind of excuses these people have; they’re playing with hearts. It frustrates me to no end to see this happen to those close to me, or any other human being for that matter. It’s not cool. It’s a vicious act out of they’re own need for compensation and one poor soul is caught up in the middle of the grotesque show of humanity. No one can convince me there is a right reason to lead someone to believe you have the same romantic feelings for them as they for you. It’s disgusting and I wish I could avoid these people like the plague, but, most of us get caught up in at least one of these situations, so sadly the question to ask is not how we can avoid them, but how to combat them. No, it’s not to eat all the ice cream you have due to this disastrous flameout of a romance. You take care of yourself. You surround yourself with good friends, let them keep you accountable, and get into the motivation to IGNORE THE PRINCE CHARMING IMPOSTER. You deserve way better than someone who chases you on and off. You deserve way better than someone who’s only desire from you is a dance in the sheets, or your friend’s attention (that’s happened to me), and etc. Distract yourself from either the pain or the want with a practice of self-indulgence or charity. It works! And you may not want to mentally get away from that “oh so cute douchebag” right now because you’ve become so used to fawning over him, but trust me when i say it is better for you and it’ll open your eyes to seeing somebody far superior to the pompous jerk you’re falling for.

               - In love and with a loud frown from all this doucebaggery talk, 13

 (P.S - I enjoyed calling people out on their fluff and using douchebag so many times way too much.)

 
23,

                  Do you remember how much it hurts to be lied to? To be fed a promise and betrayed; to hate a person for what they have done, but to love a person simply because they are them. Being lead on, by lover or by friend, hurt horribly. It’s the worst kind of pain because no matter what they did to you, you naturally compare it to how they have treated you in the past. Even though you hate them for what they did, you love them for being a part of your life. This has happened to me on several occasions. I’ve had friends where they’d be wonderful, pleasant people, but one day they turn into some awful human being and all of the sudden you’re crying in a bathroom stall. But in terms of relationships, it’s so mu h worse. It hurts to be seeing one thing then told another. Sometimes I like to refer to those who lead others on as- not any form of foul language- but as shape shifters. I call them this because not only can they change personalities so quickly, but because nothing that is human would choose to put another human through so much pain and confusion. It’s awful because they drain you of your humanity, and you won’t even realize it until you begin to see the world as an awful place, and find yourself to be contributing to that same kind of awful that you were so unfairly exposed to. These people, man or woman; these shape shifters will drag you down to their level. They will cause you to hurt others in the way that they hurt you. You may crave equilibrium- revenge. And when you realize that the monster cannot damage the monster, that monster will try and damage an innocent. The cycle then repeats. However, there are those out there that are strong enough to deal with the consequences in a less harmful manner. It is the difference between quitting and survival. Two wrongs don’t make a right. A plane can fly on just one engine. You will regret staying to long with someone that you’ll soon forget. You must let go .This is the difference between heartbreak and revival.

                It is much like flying into Las Vegas- you find nothing more beautiful and promising than the bright, shiny lights of the strip. You were taken in by the spotlight. Your heart may as well be the money you’ll throw away at a casino. You know, you can always love, but you can’t always win.

                Unfortunately for those that become prey to the shape shifter and find them to be their first “love,” it will be so much harder for them to turn around and leave. They will spend their next year piecing their life back together. They have to deal with the nostalgia that comes along with their first ever crush. It is extremely hard to let them go. Some are able to completely demolish their feelings; others are not so lucky. My advice is to stop thinking about them- to completely remove them from your life. I say this because, hell, while you’re off running towards the joker, you don’t see the king waiting on your door step. Once you let go of the bad, you become open to the good- to the wonderful. I am living proof. Even the most hopeless people have hope…and I’ll say it again: You can’t catch what doesn’t want to be caught.

                If this sounds like you, sweetie, it’s time to run. It’s time to make your choice.

                                Do you quit or survive?

                                Heartbreak or revival?

                Your choice just made or broke your next relationship.

-23