Monday, August 26, 2013

The Good, The Bad, and The Crazy: Pros and Cons of Dating in Your Senior Year

              
Pros
                Evening, lovelies! Apart from grieving over, quite literally, spilled milk from my cereal bowl tonight, I have had a pretty good couple of days leading up to this sit down with you :) While recovering from my family vacation and spending 2 lazy days yesterday and today being as immobile as I could so I wouldn’t have to talk to people, I came across a blog that made my internal English literary squeal. Their poetry got under my skin and planted such beautiful, contemplative thoughts. The words gave me an optimistic view on life that I hadn’t had for a while. Many things have been making me sad lately, and I really needed a spa day for my brain. This find added to the long hours of body vegetation I took to let my mind reboot and get prepared to be a youth leader again. To explain; I took an unexpected 2 week sabbatical from the job and it was a needed break. I had been becoming an absolute bore, with a flimsy package of deep thoughts. I used to be so deep when the opportunity came, and it was like my deep thoughts were a root beer, and when the bottle was open for too long, I fizzled out. I really had to step back and remember what was important, and what I had been doing with my life to keep me from being my usual Socrates self. I like helping people is the thing, and I just wasn’t doing that.
                With the attitude change I have grasped, 23 asked me to do a little anecdote on the +positive+ points of accepting a long-distance relationship, and making the commitments that accompany it. Here we go?
                This experience will tell you whether he’s the one for you or not.
How both of you follow the guidelines you’ve set collectively and how willing you are to keep the promises you gave to each other will surely present a clear answer of if you love each other or not.
                If there isn’t a better test of a relationship, wow!
                You’re not just asking your partner to “only look at you”, but to pretty much go cold turkey from physical or emotionally romantic contact with the opposite sex for however many months, until a break comes along to reunite. If both of you stay true to that, then heck why aren’t you saying I love you and getting married?(...in your own time of course)
                Knowing there is someone who is willing to wait for you feels pretty good :)
Living far away from each other will give you a good perspective of what you think of the relationship without having to cause a dramatic breakup to do so. Like Frank Ocean once tweeted, “Distance sometimes lets you know who’s worth keeping and who’s worth letting go”.
                Getting your life together before you let someone fully into your life isn’t as bad of a cliché as you might think. Yet, when you know he’s the one, he’s the one. How do you figure that problem out? Long distance relationship of course!
                It’s the answer to that question, among others, believe it or not! Girls, we make ourselves think we have it all together, but, we don’t right now! Getting a good education and deciding what you want to do with your life before you get all lovey dovey with your sweets will guarantee you’re making a better decision for your life, not his. It’s important that you create a lifestyle for yourself, before co-depending on someone who may or may not be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Plus, it’s way more attractive to guys when you have your own goals, and your own life.
                Lastly, as much as long-distance relationships may be tough, the moments of reuniting and giving a careful cultivation to a relationship you probably wouldn’t have given such attention to had you not been in that situation, are the best and most treasured moments a couple can experience. Take it from my aunt and uncle who lasted 4 years apart, literally mountains away, only to be married 3 years after that (what took so long?) and favoring that test in life than none at all. They told me if potential love exists between two people, it’s only to be dug up by struggle and determination.
                As much as I’d like to go on and on about fluffy love stories that turned out and how tests of love triumph, I understand it doesn’t work out the right way all the time. Separation can cause lack luster feelings and unprecedented betrayals, but, give yourself the moment to think about the fact that if that’s what came out of a distance trouble, what would come out of their hearts when something bigger happened? Wouldn’t you rather have their true character come out then than while you’re tied in deeper with them?
                                Leaving you with thought prompts too deep for this Monday evening,

                                                                                                                                -13

 Cons
                I could write forever about the negatives to dating in your senior year of high school (but not as much as 13)…really it’s simply based on if the parties involved are traveling out of state for college. I’m sure that there are plenty readers hoping to go to an out of state college, so this pessimistic, negative, “heartwarming” post goes out to those that have chosen to board the ship bound for a new land.  Dating in high school is already complicated enough (yes, 13 and I SWEAR that that is the reason to our being single these whole four years). It becomes even more complicated when you have other important tasks to focus on: the senior project; test scores; passing classes; getting into a college (cue panic attack)…really fun stuff like that. On top of that, if you ARE making the insane idea of dating an actual thing in your life, then you have to worry about finding the free time in your schedule (between work and studies and crap) to remind this person why they decided to love you. Believe me, that is a lot on one plate and it takes quite the stomach to be able to finish off the whole meal. So, if you are like me and hold no ability whatsoever to multitask, dating in your senior year of high school may not be the best idea. An again, if you are like me and told this to yourself over and over about a thousand times and STILL ignored your better mind, then you too are also going to have to one day face the music of the sad goodbye songs you listen to as you begin your five day journey down the interstates of the country. ALSO ALSO ALSO; what do you do for a long distance relationship? When in college will you find time between classes and homework, and work to Skype or anything? The most productive thing I think I could do would be to worry myself to sleep about them going off and finding someone else while I sit around and deny every male form of a species that choose to throw themselves at me...
                I’m honestly not this pessimistic. We assigned pros and cons to each other so the post doesn’t read like a broken record.
                 Clearly, the pros outweigh the cons here, so don't listen to me. If you think you hold the ability to maintain a relationship from a thousand miles away, don't stop believing. Whats meant to be will always find a way.
                Well, seeing as I have made many bad decisions that will strongly effect my emotional state, I’m just going to go get it over with and drown myself in the lemon bars I made solely for the purpose of absorbing my tears.



                -23

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Maybe Talking Shouldn't Exist...

               
23,

          So I have a friend…and she just got her first phone…and she likes to ask questions about Montana (I’m changing the name again). So, two days in a row now, I have been asked and grilled about who this person is. I’m very big on personal privacy, so no names mentioned, but she guessed it right. I didn’t want to create a fuss or subject my human to any unwanted attention. I didn’t give anything I away, I just kept telling her that certain aspects of my personal life are none of her business. My point is, there is a certain point in any relationship that people will begin to speculate and put the pieces together. You cannot escape it. Personally, it may be because I’ve spent the majority of this week with Montana. Though, for our social lives sake, we don’t mention any time we spend together, I guess everyone can just kind of tell that we have a stronger connection than with the rest of the group. I know for a fact that people are starting to realize that something is up. I’m not ashamed of having Montana with me or anything at all…in fact, it brings me an overwhelming amount of joy. I just like to keep these deeper aspects of my life to myself. You guys, there is nothing that should be valued more in a relationship than personal space, whether it by physical of social. It’s just the respectful thing to do. Like, if the person is not talking to you about the subject, then do not ask them about it because they are clearly not comfortable talking about it with you. I don’t care who you heard it from, I don’t care if you just sensed it or some kind of crap like that, but if they don’t tell you, don’t ask them about it. I don’t care if it’s driving you absolutely out of your mind…and if it is, I’m sorry to say, but you need a life outside of focusing on someone else’s…don’t ask about it. In this case, yes I am addressing a problem I am currently experiencing.

                Here’s something else…this should be typical girl code: when you have a friend in the fringe phase, or any phase at all, do not act like you absolutely know what you are doing if you’ve had other relationships. If your advice is wanted, it will be asked for. Also, do not try and taint a friend’s relationship. Do not air hump in front of them when they are eating together (yes, again I am speaking from personal experience). It puts both people in an awkward position, and you come off as a rude, jack ass…which, if you do do that to a well-rounded, beautiful relationship, then you are a rude jackass. (Yes, I am speaking of one friend in particular, but since I’m already irritated-) Just because you can’t maintain a stable, wonderful relationship, does not mean that you should try and sabotage someone else’s-Especially if they are a friend.
                Okay, so I’ll try an uplifting post since we seem to have not provided one in a week or so. (:
                -23

                13,
                I can’t believe summer is nearly over. It baffles me how fast it went. I experienced a lot, including finally finding what my career might be (spoilers). I also was hit on 6 times over the last 3 sunny months :) It was exhilarating and panic causing all at the same time! It never happens so this was a memorable summer. Thanks to this blog, I have somewhere to share these experiences. I’ll share the first time it happened, which was in Starbucks. I was ordering some complicated drink for a friend of mine and pronounced something badly because of his beautifulness. I’m not talking little slip-up, I mean it turned into a ‘asdfghjkl’ across my tongue kind of bad! In my embarrassment, I quickly said, “Oh f*** it. Give me a plain, simple Americano please!”  As soon as that left my mouth I probably turned a good shade of red. Surprisingly, the attractive barista laughed at me and said, “Don’t worry, I work here and I can’t even pronounce them that easy.”
               I giggled at that and ordered my own drink. He asked if I was from around here and I answered yes. He went to making my drink himself while another employee covered the register. He continued to chat with me about the woes of having complicated customers and their long explained “fru-fru drinks”, as I referred to them (he loved my vocabulary?). I quickly warmed up to him and how bashful he seemed. He finished my friend’s drink and took a little longer on mine. Once he topped the drinks, he pushed them towards me with a too long hand linger on where I was trying to put my own hand. I thanked him, left the cafe, and plopped into the chairs outside. I turned my cup over while conversing, and found messy sharpie writing on the side......wait for it.....it read, “For the anti-lingual beauty ;)” .........*covers face with anything in reach* I was flabbergasted! Never have I seen such a brave, yet gentlemanly act come to pass like that. Oh my goodness. Small to say it was something I’ll never forget. He certainly impressed me, and yes, I come back to that Starbucks all the time hoping to catch him on his shift :D I don’t even know his name, but, I’m imagining our marriage certificate now *dreamy look* *23 punches 13* Oh, yah *ahem* Sorry. So, in all my worries of turning boys away by my awkward nature, this uplifted my self-esteem quite a lot :) Sometimes it just takes the right color of paper to highlight the betterments of a certain color of crayon. He became the black paper to my white crayon is what I’m saying. Guys like that who push through the uncomfortable air and dive in to see your personality are gems. Anyone, as a matter of fact, that’s like that is.
                Maybe this is a bit off topic from 23’s awesome rant, but it’s a happy anecdote to those who know the balance between pursuing and stalking. It’s a book mark on a joyous moment in my life that I know can happen to anyone. It was just my time in this story though ;)

                Happy trails and best wishes to facing hot baristas (cuz I know your pain now),


                13

Monday, August 12, 2013

Crossing The Line...

23,
                So I’m sure as any fellow Christians reading this blog will understand, it is a big ass no no to date and/or pursue a future life with a non-believer. It (Spiritual belief system) is not only one of the massive contributors to one of the many topics that will set off a social hell fire storm, and the main cause of the many spats throughout history, but it is also the deepest way in which two people can bond. Seeing two different directions on this kind of matter can not only tear apart the relationship, but it can also distort your own personal belief system, thus subtly chipping away at your spiritual safety. We, as Christians, have great faith that God has someone out there planned for each person specifically. I realize that we always assume that the person you are meant to be with will be in agreement with you on these deeper levels…but what if the one God has planned for you is not a believer? What happens then? You chase it and you chase it, going through heart ache after heart ache, only to find the end of the road the one person you have spent so much time searching for, only to have it occur to you that they are missing a key piece of themselves. They are, initially, a trigger happy human, standing there holding the barrel to their head. You have no guarantee they will continue to live, as long as that barrel is pressed up against their head. However, as you try to explain to them that they are in danger, they believe that they are still in control of the trigger, though they are not. It is undeniably the most impossible task; to talk to them and get them to put the gun down. It would not do the situation justice to compare to walking on glass or eggshells or hot coals. There is no description that would rationalize the feelings that one will suffer from when thrown into this life or death situation. You just kind of want to walk over there, grab the gun, hit them over the head with it, and ask them if they really are as irrevocably stupid as they’re acting. Sometimes you find people who are like that, and you wish to repay them in term of the kindness that they showed you. Sometimes, you may feel as if you must travel through life with this person to make sure they don’t pick that gun back up. You wish to keep them safe, even if it means that on occasion, you have to struggle with them to pull the gun away. Maybe, God did not put them into your life to benefit you, but He out you in their life, so as to give the kind hearted, innocent human being a chance at a beautiful life…and one even more so, not on earth.
                ……..Not that any of this reflects on anything personal…just though we should touch on this topic, seeing as we haven’t yet……..
                I’m not quite sure how to follow up on that, so I’m gonna hand you guys over to 13’s more uplifting post…


13,
                Morning ladies :) I think there’s a lot of pressure on the Christian ladies of our society. Shout out to my Christian lovelies because a lot of us are unfairly held to a higher standard than the nice atheist girl standing next to us. If you’re dedicatedly religious and look the part, you’re expected to make wise decisions with relationships and possibly only date one man before you marry. Whether from family or friends or the church, there’s this pressure to be the example of a ‘godly woman’; Although, does having very little dating experience make you godly? Or visa versa? (*whispers* the answer’s no!) At the same time, I have experienced situations where people think I have all the answers because I’m “Christian”. Did you know my favorite song is called “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”? Yah, bet you didn’t know that from my precious flowery exterior. Take away: looks are deceiving and so are labels. It is unfair to consider the disciples of the All-Knowing God to be “all-knowing”. I’m not saying I don’t give good advice, but I should not be looked as the one representation of good dating skills *23 laughs hysterically because that is so true* There’s a reason why we’re called disciples in our religion. We’re human, therefore we’re certainly not perfect, we make mistakes, get angry and cry over the silliest things, and ARE TEENAGE GIRLS; just like those we walk with in the school hallway. That’s a concept the older generation just cannot get. Don’t they remember what it was like to be an adolescent? 23 and I may have it more together than other girls our age, but that doesn’t mean we’re the example of Christian dating. That doesn’t mean we can’t make mistakes and get too caught up in cloud 9.

                Now that we got that expressed, someone in the world needs to hear about what Christian dating even is. Christian dating is more focused on what God has planned for you. It’s a super personalized idea usually and you won’t find a true Christian with the same concept as another. Some really don’t date because they believe God has someone already picked out that will come their way. Some feel free to put themselves out there and date other Christians. There’s also no shame in dating someone who isn’t Christian (it’s just unbeneficial for the relationship because you’ll eventually clash). There are a few standards that I think the general Christian girl can agree on though. Ready for a list?

                We desire someone with “similar beliefs” on up to “on fire for Jesus” like some of us someone who brings you closer to God than himself
someone who’s good looking in your eyes
someone who’s honest and compassionate
someone who gets along with family and friends
someone who encourages you to show your better qualities
someone who you can depend on
someone who makes you laugh
someone who’s monogamous (it’s an individual desire and some girls don’t care as long as they’re the last!)

                Every girl has specifics like sharing his tomatoes with you or sliding the extra fries over because he knows you love them. It’s all pretty specific, but, Christian dating is all about letting a higher power guide the relationship and depending on slow burgeoning to strengthen the relationship before moving forward. If you can’t tell already, yes, us Christian gals are a little more hard to get to and we pack a punch if you try anything sneaky. It’s all in good thought though. We value ourselves; therefore we want to protect our own hearts. We don’t want to mess up ourselves and have a bunch of baggage come the time we find someone we click with. Even nonreligious ladies have that together, but for some reason you don’t see it that often :( In conclusion, there are lessons and good tips we’ve learned from our Christian mothers which has brought us through high school without completely messing up :P but at the same time we get pressures from a lot of people to make the right choice, whatever that is! Christian dating is a hassle, and I’d rather find my own way with it. I know in most cases the people who so dearly care for me just don’t know how to express “be careful” without seeming controlling, but I still feel that icky feeling and almost hide from dating. It’s a downward spiral! Nonetheless, I WILL find my own way with dating, and no one should be telling me how to do it but Jesus. He’s kind of a romantic anyway, so I don’t mind ;) As encouragement to all of you, whether you’re a part of a church or not, define dating by your own thoughts and not anyone else’s or by a silly doctrine. Dating is about you and another person, not the whole world or the whole church. Be strong in your beliefs, whether they can be categorized or not. Be as mentally resilient as your nether region, okay?! Alright, I should stop :P

Adieu and many other wishful goodbyes till next week,
13


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Too Many Questions Asked

Do I dare start off talking about the gruesome family reunion I just returned from? Or do I rant about my mother going around mentioning my fringe status, giving her best suggestive face to all of my relatives, then watching me get interrogated about every aspect of this fringe thing?
                So, as you can see, I’m a little roused up because of this. So being that this is a problem I had not yet encountered and now have, I am hopefully going to supply you readers (if there are any left after out little two wee long brain fart) with the advice you need to answer these questions  if the occasion were to ever happen to thee. I’ll start off with the questions I was asked on an hourly basis:
                Question #1: “So I hear you have a male friend…and you guys are close?”
                -What you are thinking: ‘What, can I not have a male friend? Why is it so hard for some people to understand that guys and girls can just be friends? I mean, we aren’t, but still…’
                -What you should say: “Yes. I have a male friend. We enjoy each-others company.”
                Question #2: “So are you guys dating or what?”
                -What you are thinking: ‘ARE WE DATING?! WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE THINGS FOR HOLY $#!% THIS IS AWKWARD!!!!!’
                -What you should say: “Nope, just friends.”
                Question #3: ‘Well, do you like them? Like, would you date them in the near future?”
                -What you are thinking: ‘Oh you lil’ $#!%. You are adamant.”
                -What you should say: “I guess we’ll see.”
NOTE: If you wish to end the conversation, just give short simple answers. This will relay to your interrogator that you do not wish to talk about such a thing.
Usually by the third question they wear out. That’s all they’ll get from you. They may ask for a name, IF your big mouthed mother did not already tell them. For now, this is about as much as I can give for advice…at least on this subject. Unfortunately, as a teenager, your parents will be all up in your business when you have male friends. In severe cases, your relatives will also. But this doesn’t just happen at home. You will always be asked if you have a boyfriend or some sort of significant person in your life, and people will always pry the details from your mind. In the world of love, there is no privacy.
                I do feel as if I owe you guys an update on my life (speaking of minding one’s own business, here we are blabbing about our love lives on the internet). I completely forgot our mission of the blog. The more I look at it, the more it seems that the idea has evolved. At first, we decided we just wanted to challenge ourselves and find a boyfriend by gradation and document our “success.”  But throughout our time, it’s become so much more. We’re going off about outer reactions from family and friends, people judging our young relationships, overcoming awkwardness, and all this other fun stuff. In this two years’ time, I personally have gone through the washing machine a time or two. I liked someone, I gave myself false hope, I cried, I got over it, life returned to normal, I met a new person, we became friends, we both developed feelings for one another, we got really close, we entered fringe…FRINGE IS THE LONGEST TERM IN RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT. I SWEAR. Though, I personally think that we both subconsciously are deciding not to date because of college and I’m moving 2,000 miles away and junk. I’m not even sure how to start with that stuff. Long distance relationships sound SOOOOOO complicated. But he’s always saying that he’ll find a way to get at me so I’ll get mad and come back from 2,000 miles away to seek my revenge (as a joke). Like, I thought he wasn’t even paying attention and junk when I was talking about my college plan, but I guess he was. So remember when I was like “I don’t really want to get all close because that’s just an anchor here and I won’t be able to leave.”? YOU GUYS. I COMPLETELY IGNORED MYSELF. ..okay so I just read over our last posts and I don’t think I ever said that, but I thinking about it! I think what changed my mind was when I was at work, back aching, tired, like 4pm, and I hear the bell ring to signal someone walking in. Without looking, and by habit now, I gave my usual “Hello, how are you?” Then I look up, and here is my human, with a coffee. They don’t even drink coffee, but they made it perfectly and I almost cried. Like, you guys. I can’t even. Coffee is my life. It was at that point that I was just like “you are the best person ever.” But inside my mind I was all ‘sjzhfjsdhf9whaefbkdcbiuvhosduhfo;sjefsdvuhaOHyywaRWABLKGASYUDTKUKDSGLISGDFKJSKDFGK!!!’
                So, as you can see, he’s making it rather hard for me to consider leaving this county for the Midwest. It makes me rather sad already. But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. I guess we’ll see what happens when the time comes. I suppose it’s the best choice. If I wanted to avoid being a bit hurt, I’d have to just syphon off contact. Had I done that I would have missed out on so much wonderful. My reasoning now is gosh darn it, if it’s going to hurt, it better hurt like hell. The good part is that I’ll get to come back between semesters and stuff. I don’t even know if it will last. Oh well. So, that is all I have for tonight. Until next week!

                -23